The weather has been awesome recently so my spare time has been taken up with being outdoors cycling.

It's been over two years since the last time I did Nyung Nay practice, but it felt as familiar as the last time, if not even more so. Somehow it also served as a fitting way to celebrate the completion of the long retreat which many of my Vajra siblings had been in.

Seeing them was both humbling and inspirational. Humbling in the sense that being around or meeting 'serious' practitioners always is and inspirational as I'm now even more keen to do the same myself.

The last e-mail I got before the Nyung Nay started was from a friend of mine at Mindroling monastery. He is a tulku studying in the shedra there who I met whilst in Dharamsala. He was my Tibetan language teacher for the last part of my stay there and we became very good friends. Getting this e-mail seemed very auspicious as he once said that after I have completed one long retreat I can come to his monastery and do as much retreat there as I like. His monastery is in a very remote part of Nepal. This would be in a few years once he has graduated from shedra and assumed day to day responsibility for his monastery.

For no particular reason I've not slept. When it got to 4am I decided to do some extra Dorje Sempa practice. It's been a while since I meditated at that time of the morning and it felt amazing, so fresh and energising.

Lots of nothing happening recently, almost feel like I'm 'warming up' for Samye Ling next week. I'm so stoked to be going, it's been too long since the last time.

This is really one of those pointless blogs where I'm just writing to get back into the swing of blog writing. I'm very happy though. Very. And I hope you are too.

Whichever way you look at it, Buddhism really comes down to looking at and dealing with your own mind. Years ago when I was depressed, I managed to use it as fuel for my practice and in some ways this was a very simple practice, whilst also being very powerful in terms of renunciation and compassion.

I haven't been depressed for years so now I it's more subtle. I guess the closest I get is a combination of tiredness with a sense of frustration. This totally lacks the suffocating and crippling power of depression though, so it's less effective for feeding the dual fires of renunciation and compassion.

One thing that does really sting though is seeing other people experiencing totally avoidable suffering. Whilst it is often tempting to try to help or intervene, experience tells me I'm not skilled enough yet.

I've noticed a large percentage of high achievers I know, or have known, who really throw themselves into emotional turmoil on an ongoing basis. Obviously high achievement is a somewhat subjective subject, but my observation was from the conventional use of the term. an that's all it is, an observation.

This time next week I will be heading North for a micro retreat. I am really looking forward to it, although I wish it was for longer, a lot longer.

Of all the blogs I've kept over the years, this is by far the most random one. It's also far more secret than "Thousandarmedprocrastinator" ever was. I'm undecided on whether this is a good or bad thing, although it's probably a combination of the two. And just because two things seem to be in opposition it does not automatically follow that they are.

Various thoughts on sectarianism and conformity.

A potential PHD topic is sectarianism in Tibetan Buddhism. This is a pretty sensitive subject in some ways, but also one that can't really go untouched. A few times in D'sala I felt it was the elephant in the room.

My own exeriences of it really come from a position on vulnerable insecurity. When one lacks certainity based on experience rather than internalising, it is easier to externalise and project this onto the world. By talking down others views and convincing others of the 'rightness' of ones own view there is a fake sense of confidence built up. Like anything that is false and built up, it is bound to end in tears.

Add groupthink to the situation and the disaster multiplies. As Shantideva says "nothing good will come from the meeting of two fools". If sectarianist views are taking root in one group, it can affect the whole group like a cancer. This is where conformity comes in.

Conformity is generally the seemingly easy option. No only in "spiritual" circles, but political ones too. And it is never a good thing. Buddha taught to examine his teachings and not simply accept them.

On the more worldy side I found some interresting blogs this week where various self-indetified Anarchists where trying to convince others that their Anarchism was the true path as it were, and sadly lots of commenters were agreeing as part of the community rather than challenging the basis of the initial argument which was simply dogma, with no real authority backing it.

Back on the religious front there is an awesome quote in the Hagakure. It sort of sums up some of my limited understanding of sectarianism.

"The Way

It is bad when one thing becomes two. One should not look for anything else in the Way of the Samurai. It is the same for anything that is called a Way. If one understands things in this manner, he should be able to hear about all ways and be more and more in accord with his own."

Another chapter finished

All my exams are now over and I'm faced with a summer of dissertation writing, which I'm relishing. I have a load of Padmasambhava related books I've only been able to dip into for essays which I will be engrossing myself in as of tomorrow morning.

I'm also doing a couple of days retreat in the near future, as well as loads of picnics, walks and gardening.

I went to see The Cup today at the Barbican. It was really good, although all the scenes filmed on the road from Bir made me want to be back there pretty badly. They also screened a short documentary about the making of the film which was awesome.

NOW!!

"This very moment is the watershed between the right and wrong direction of your entire existence. This opportunity is like finding something to eat when you have only had one meal in a hundred throughout your whole life. So make use of the Dharma to free yourself while you still can, taking death as your spur at all times. Cut short your plans for this life, and diligently try to practice good and give up evil – even at the risk of your life. Follow an authentic teacher and accept whatever he tells you without hesitation. Give yourself, in body and mind, to the Three Jewels. When happiness comes recognise it as their compassion. When suffering comes, recognise it as the result of your own past actions. Apply yourself to the practices of accumulation and purification with the perfectly pure motivation of Bodhicitta. Ultimately, through immaculate devotion and samaya, unite you mind indissolubly with that of a sublime teacher in an authentic lineage. Capture the stronghold of the absolute in this very life, courageously taking on the responsibility of freeing all beings, our old mothers, from samsara’s dungeon. This includes all the most crucial instructions." - From Words of My Perfect Teacher by Patrul Rinpoche.