Whichever way you look at it, Buddhism really comes down to looking at and dealing with your own mind. Years ago when I was depressed, I managed to use it as fuel for my practice and in some ways this was a very simple practice, whilst also being very powerful in terms of renunciation and compassion.

I haven't been depressed for years so now I it's more subtle. I guess the closest I get is a combination of tiredness with a sense of frustration. This totally lacks the suffocating and crippling power of depression though, so it's less effective for feeding the dual fires of renunciation and compassion.

One thing that does really sting though is seeing other people experiencing totally avoidable suffering. Whilst it is often tempting to try to help or intervene, experience tells me I'm not skilled enough yet.

I've noticed a large percentage of high achievers I know, or have known, who really throw themselves into emotional turmoil on an ongoing basis. Obviously high achievement is a somewhat subjective subject, but my observation was from the conventional use of the term. an that's all it is, an observation.

This time next week I will be heading North for a micro retreat. I am really looking forward to it, although I wish it was for longer, a lot longer.

Of all the blogs I've kept over the years, this is by far the most random one. It's also far more secret than "Thousandarmedprocrastinator" ever was. I'm undecided on whether this is a good or bad thing, although it's probably a combination of the two. And just because two things seem to be in opposition it does not automatically follow that they are.