Tsondru

A combination of living in a country which has been ruined by communist retards, being ignored by my Lama, various samaya issues, my own attachments and feeling bad about having invested my inheritance in a course which doesn't seem to be that effective in terms of actually making me competent at Tibetan, let alone as a translator, has left a somewhat bitter taste in my generally overactive mouth.

Unsolicited advice from well meaning people have added to the overall sense of "things not going as planned" and I'm borderline homesick for the first time in my life. The latter is probably more due to the general sense of isolation I'm feeling rather than wanting to be in Europe. On the flipside, Patrul Rinpoche, and others, always point out that loneliness leads to concentration. This does to some extent seem to be true, however the real benefits for me personally from the current situation is a reminder of the importance of seeing things through. When I was 18 I nearly killed myself just to "serve" in a military unit that was seen as somewhat prestigious. What then of determination when it's vaguely Dharma related?

Practicing Dharma involves some hardships, but these are minimal when compared with what most of the world does daily simply to survive in the destructive capitalist hell we have created, as Shantideva points out. He didn't mention the capitalist part though.

With the right determination there is nothing that is impossible. About ten years ago I was having a hard time with various things and went into retreat. My Lama said I would benefit greatly from the retreat. Upon completion, I felt like I could walk through a mountain. It is all a matter of being certain about ones own motivation. Once that is clear, everything else is secondary.

There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. By doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you will still get the same soaking. This understanding extends to all things.

Hagakure.