I've blogged about my overall sense of disappointment with the set up here before, so won't bother rehashing it again, sufficing to say I'm having trouble deciding what to do about it all from a samaya perspective as that's really all that matters at this stage.

Despite most aspects of the course being disappointing in how they are set up and varying levels of un-professionalism, I am enjoying most of it despite it being very obvious that there will be no real benefit to completing the course.

Outside school things are the same as ever, I have some awesome friends here, an am seeing someone who isn't excessively needy or high maintenance, but given the choice I'd rather be in retreat.

About twelve years ago I obsessively wanted to be a monk, I still do at times, then when I looked at why I wanted to be one, and why I at one time did take vows, my motivation seemed somewhat mixed and confused.

With retreat it's a similar thing. Retreat is simply doing practice, admittedly in conditions which are in some ways better than those in the 'normal' world, however it's still doing the same thing.

I've gone off on a tangent.